The Gift of Time and Hard Work

We had a very special birthday at Edgewood last week. Edgewood Helena resident Eva Seeley turned 100 years old! We were privileged to interview her to learn her secret to living so vibrantly. How does someone live to a century and with such grace? “I was born on June 21st, 1923. That’s the longest day of the year—my mother said she never forgot it.”

We often wonder if some secret fountain of youth is hiding in plain sight to show us how to achieve this milestone. Is it eating oodles of kale for every meal, or avoiding sugar, dairy, gluten, or red meat?

 

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When asked if there’s a secret to her success, Eva replied, “Just living. A lot of people lay back and say this is it, and I can’t do that. Not me; I gotta try it. Nowadays, there’s so much going on; you have to keep up with it by being positive.”

Her can-do perspective may very well be the secret fountain of youth. Eva said, “Everything can be done if you want to. If you want it, you can do it.”  Eva has lived her entire life on the premise that hard work will take you places, and this year, it’s taking her to 100!

Eva is in excellent health. She said with a kind smile and a twinkle in her eye,

When you think about it, I am one of the lucky people in the world. Not too many can say at my age that they don’t have anything that’s killing them. 100 you don’t get very often.

Eva had been exercising in physical therapy just before the interview. She said it’s helping her keep moving and that she thinks it’s essential for everyone to do that. This ideation has been deeply woven into her fabric since birth.

Role Models

Eva explained that her parents, especially her mother, were her benchmarks for staying busy. “My parents came from Europe. We’re Hungarian. We grew up in a family where our parents worked hard, and there was always something to do. My mother and dad always said, ‘First, you do what you have to, then, you play around.’” Eva’s siblings lived into their 90s but did not meet her incredible age milestone. However, another significant person in her life is her husband, Nelson. He is 102 years old. ”He’s two years older than I am, so I have to keep up with him, you know.”

Success in Marriage

Eva and Nelson have been married for 80 years and have three children and many grandchildren. “I met him because he lived across the street in an apartment building. I could look out my window, and we could wave to each other. He was a really nice kid. We were married in 1943. We had been going together for a while. It didn’t take long.”

Eva’s marriage advice: “Be vocal. Be honest. I won’t lie to my husband. If I did it, I did it. Be honest, be truthful. When you go to bed at night, try not to go to bed angry with each other. I think it means something if you know you’re trying. Arguments might happen, but be honest with each other. It’s a lying world nowadays.”

Raising A Family

Eva and her husband raised a family who also inherited their work ethic. When asked about fond memories of growing her family, Eva said, “Telling them what’s right and wrong. They all learn fast. I have two children, and they all have children; I have lots of good grandchildren. I love being with children.”

Advice for the Youngsters

You don’t realize how lucky you are to be here in this world. Nobody goes without if they want it. Hard work never hurt anyone, and it does pay off. You have to earn what you get, and nothing comes free—no matter what it is, you don’t get it for nothing.

She also explained the importance of perseverance: “Don’t think that everything is so bad that you can’t straighten it out— you can. Have a little patience, and you can. Everything pays off in the long run. Don’t ever be sorry for what you do. You’re doing it for a reason; otherwise, you’re wasting time.”

Enjoying Retirement

Being naturally drawn to socializing, Eva makes everyone feel at home at Edgewood. “This is a wonderful place for people. I like it. There’s so much to do, and they have it all available. If people only used it, that’s the thing. I’m not gonna just sit back and look at it and watch it go by; that’s not me. I don’t believe it is anyone in our family.”

While Edgewood in Helena offers many activities, Eva’s favorite pastime is in the kitchen: “I like to cook and bake Hungarian Goulash, we call it ‘Paprikash’.” Eva proudly shared that she learned to cook from her mother, who was incredible in the kitchen.

When asked about a bucket list, Eva said she doesn’t have one. “I just do it when it comes up. I’ve always got something I can do. I never sit still. Gosh, if I had to spend my time looking at the walls, I’d go crazy. There’s so much. If people only realize what they’re missing when they don’t get around. All they have to do is walk out the door, and there’s an adventure. I’m always doing something. Some people just don’t.”

Longevity is a true gift, and Eva celebrates each day to the fullest. We asked her how old she felt, and she said, “In my 70s, and I don’t feel very old. I am not ready to go, and I have a lot to do.”

Happy Birthday, Eva!

Eva, we hope you had a VERY Happy 100th Birthday! We’re so lucky to learn your perspective on living to 100, and we’re so grateful to have you as part of our Helena Community.

If you’re interested in living in a vibrant community with activities to keep you feeling young, please contact us at info@Edgewoodhealthcare.com. Edgewood Healthcare and its partners strive to help residents feel their best by offering amenities on-site, from therapies to primary care.

The Longest Day Series Part 5: Acceptance

About the series: According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this model explains the grief cycle based on bereavement, we’re going to explore how loved ones and those with Alzheimer’s navigate the cycle as the disease progresses. Last week we talked about depression (click here to find that blog if you missed it), and how it affects not only the caregiver but also the person with Alzheimer’s themselves. This week we are diving into the final stage of the grief cycle: acceptance.

Melanie Williams explained her experience with the grief cycle as an open-ended process. “Today, I am probably a little bit between depression and acceptance. I can be there today, but tomorrow, something might come up and throw me right back into denial or right back to anger. There’s no closure with dementia. It’s not like death. Because there’s no closure, you never know when something hits you out of left field and you start grieving again.”

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For anyone dealing with the stages of grief, acceptance may not be a stage that you simply walk across or leave behind, but it’s an important stage, nonetheless.

Accepting the New “Them”

In acceptance, you’ll probably continue to move along the grief path, but this is a stage when you can enjoy your loved ones more easily, just as they are. You may find better communication practices, and you may have established appropriate caregivers. Perhaps you’ve reduced the caregiving some and returned to your previous role as a family member/loved one. Each moment may not be complete bliss or “the way it was,” but this might be the stage where you just aim for their happiness and comfort.

Maybe the holidays won’t include your loved one making their famous dish, so you make it for them to keep their tradition going. Perhaps your loved one won’t recognize all of your faces, know every word to holiday songs, or take a seat at the piano the way they once did, but you may find yourself celebrating their small wins.

A “win” can be as simple as a smile on your loved one’s face. Maybe they’re still confused and act differently than before, but the smile tells you that they can still experience joy.

Perhaps you’ve stopped being overly emotional that your family celebrations and holidays have changed. Melanie Williams explained, “Lefse was always a huge part of the holidays for us. I remember my mom making lefse and before she got too progressed in the disease, she and I made lefse together so I could learn those little tips and tricks from her.”

“Alzheimer’s is not a Chicken Casserole Disease.”

One of the biggest hurdles with Alzheimer’s is that people don’t understand it like they do other illnesses. Because it’s difficult, Alzheimer’s holds a stigma.

Marty Schreiber gave us an interview a few years ago in a video you can access here. He described Alzheimer’s in a very unique way. He explained, “This is not a chicken casserole disease.” He went on to clarify that if you’re hospitalized for surgery or another ailment, people might bring you a chicken casserole because they understand you could use the help, but with Alzheimer’s, people don’t know how to react. Mr. Schreiber said, “Those people who we’ve relied on before, who you thought would be there, may not because they don’t know what to say. They don’t know what to do. They feel uncomfortable, and now we feel more isolated. Therein lies the challenge for us caregivers.”

Through sharing individual testimonies like Melanie Williams’ experience and Marty Schreiber’s amazing insight, along with resources, we hope to end the stigma of Alzheimer’s. If you’ve had experience with it or are in the thick of it, consider contributing to the fight against Alzheimer’s.

Finding Support and Raising Awareness

The Alzheimer’s Association uses donations to fund research into finding a cure for Alzheimer’s disease. Its website contains a wealth of information to help families. You can find stories, remembrances, and ways to help by visiting alz.org. They also have a 24-hour hotline to answer questions about Alzheimer’s disease: 800-272-3900.

The more we work together, the better the experience for ourselves and others. If you have gained insight and understanding about Alzheimer’s, consider donating your time. Sharing your experience through local support groups or book clubs could help others.

Edgewood offers hope for those suffering from Alzheimer’s through our memory care communities and adult day services. We’d be happy to talk with you if you’re looking for support in caring for a loved one or planning for yourself. We understand Alzheimer’s and meeting those with it right where they are. If you’d like to learn more, don’t hesitate to contact us at info@edgewoodhealthcare.com. Wishing you peace and comfort on the Longest Day and always!

The Longest Day Series Part 4: Depression

About the series: According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this model explains the grief cycle based on bereavement, we’re going to explore how loved ones and those with Alzheimer’s navigate the cycle as the disease progresses. Last week we talked about bargaining (click here to find that blog if you missed it) and how it affects not only the caregiver but also the person with Alzheimer’s themselves. This week we are diving into depression.

Melanie Williams shared that she felt like she lost an important connection because of Alzheimer’s. She explained, “My first mom will never be back. Each step is further into the disease. Even though you know there might be plateaus, it doesn’t get better. I’ll never be able to share new experiences—when you’ve shared everything with them and they’re your confidante, you lose your sounding board.”

Facts About Depression

The Alzheimer’s Association website tells us that up to 40% of those diagnosed with Alzheimer’s suffer from depression. Because Alzheimer’s disease also impacts effective communication, someone with both diagnoses may be unable to explain how they feel, and their symptoms might be hard to distinguish.

The Family Caregiver Alliance reports that caregivers supporting someone with dementia may be twice as likely as other caregivers to experience depression. When someone you love is forgetting their life and all the ways they’ve made your life amazing, too, it’s likely to send you bouncing around through depression and other emotions of the grief cycle.

 

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Once diagnosed, a medical doctor can offer treatment options for depression, such as counseling or medications. Medications can alleviate the symptoms, but they depend on each person’s needs.

If you’re supporting a loved one with depression and Alzheimer’s, pay close attention to them. They may respond to their diagnoses in a way you never thought possible. Yale School of Medicine reports that during the first few months following a dementia diagnosis, those aged 65-74 years old had an increased risk of suicide.

For family members or caregivers experiencing depression, support groups may be very beneficial, along with doctor-prescribed measures. A friendly chat with others who are helping their loved ones or clients manage symptoms of Alzheimer’s can help you feel validated.

Lifestyle choices like healthy eating, sleeping, and working out can help alleviate symptoms of depression. It’s important not to get caught up in unhealthy coping mechanisms, such as alcohol or drugs, to manage depression symptoms.

Changing Roles

If your parent is suffering from Alzheimer’s, you may find yourself trying to stay very strong to keep them calm and happy. It may feel like you’re the parent and they’re the child. That is not to compare those with Alzheimer’s to children in any regard, but just as parents offer their children comfort and guidance, you’re probably doing the very same thing for them in their time of need. Sometimes, that role reversal is so hard to cope with that it can create distance between those with Alzheimer’s and their loved ones.

Don’t Let Changes Keep You Away

Alzheimer’s makes people different. It’s important to accept the new “them.” Sometimes, the grief or even depression experienced among family members is too strong, and they opt out of visiting once a person changes beyond their comfort level. It’s crucial to meet the disease where and for what it is.

At the beginning of this series, we explained the importance of receiving a diagnosis and learning about Alzheimer’s. If a family member refuses to visit because they see their loved one with Alzheimer’s as someone they no longer recognize, encourage them to learn more about it. Sometimes, a true understanding of the disease can help change their perspective.

When you stop correcting your loved one or hoping they will return to how you’ve known them, it speaks to the “Acceptance” stage. Join us next week for our final blog in the series “Acceptance.”

The Longest Day Series Part Three: Bargaining

About the series: According to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s model, there are five stages of grief: denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance. While this model explains the grief cycle based on bereavement, we’re going to explore how loved ones and those with Alzheimer’s navigate the cycle as the disease progresses. Last week we talked about anger (click here to find that blog if you missed it) and how it affects not only the caregiver but also the person with Alzheimer’s themselves. This week we are diving into bargaining.The bargaining stage when it comes to Alzheimer’s may look a little bit like the denial stage, but it’s also when more guilt can come into the picture. In this stage, the guilt you feel may keep you trying to problem-solve on your loved one’s behalf until you’re exhausted. You may find yourself attempting to change what can be managed, but not entirely fixed.

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Those with Alzheimer’s may bargain, too, thinking if they remain at home, everything will be fine. They may be very convincing, which can create additional struggles and safety concerns.

Running in Place

Before Melanie Williams’ mom was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease, she and her brother found themselves in the thick of the bargaining stage. They tried to make things work, thinking that each next step would fix what was wrong.

They were convinced that if their mom’s diabetes could get under control, she would be okay. They set up reminders for her to take her medications, and she got a constant glucose monitor. Notifications from the monitor went right to Melanie so she could quickly step in. Melanie would drive about 15 minutes into town to check on her at all hours of the day or night if she received a notification and couldn’t reach her mom on the phone.

At one point, Melanie said, “The harder I tried, the worse it got. I kept thinking I’m not doing enough.” She was sandwiched between supporting her mom and wanting to be there for her children, who were still in high school at the time. The emotional weight became very taxing on her, creating tremendous guilt over how she spent her time.

Melanie and her brother continued finding more and more creative ways to help their mom manage her diabetes. They made sure there was healthy food in her fridge and created a water drinking chart to ensure their mom wasn’t dehydrated. They even moved her closer to a hospital, thinking it would be the answer. Despite all these significant support measures, their mom continued to be readmitted with complications of diabetes until, eventually, her doctors determined she shouldn’t live alone anymore.

Choosing Support

A residential community such as memory care allows those with Alzheimer’s to develop a consistent schedule and routine. That’s incredibly helpful for them, as short-term memory loss will be present, but keeping busy can matter just as much. Activities that they can do and enjoy are very important. It might take some time, but once they establish a routine with entertaining activities, they can start experiencing joy in their new community.

During the initial stages of a move, the “I want to go home” will probably come out of the woodwork. This is what the bargaining stage can look like for those with Alzheimer’s. It can put tremendous guilt on the loved ones getting their phone calls, as they may be convinced they will be all right if they can go home. It’s important to be sure that the memory care community you choose has everything they need, including a support plan for acclimating at the beginning.

Families should plan to help caregivers get to know their loved ones. Relaying their life history and personality traits before Alzheimer’s can guide staff to know what activities they will enjoy and how to communicate best. The benefit of a memory care setting is that there are typically fewer residents and more staff, allowing these individualized care needs to be met.

In 2022, we published Michelle and Paul’s story. Michelle shared her experience in moving her husband into a memory care community and the creative way she comforted him at the beginning of the move. You can find that blog here.